I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
