thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
