my being single is dangerous.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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