Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
