all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
