I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
