OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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