so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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