Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
