Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
