You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
