She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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