At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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