I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Vodka?
Forever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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