I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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