i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
