And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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