Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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