you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
