hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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