I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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