Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
