my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
