i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
