I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
