It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
