dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
