how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
