i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
