Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
