First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
