idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
