I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
