"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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