he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
