when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
