How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
