Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
