I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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