If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
