I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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