i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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