you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
