so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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