Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
