pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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