I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
