Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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