I hate your face
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
