i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
