Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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