Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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