All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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